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i still cant believe my grandma is gone just like that.
so sudden, without any warning at all.
she was quite healthy usually.... but when i saw her in the hospital, sustained by merely a tube in her throat i just couldnt believe it and the tears just kept flowing... cos it pains me to see her like that... and i really regret not going to visit her on sat afternoon with my mum and my bro. now i cant talk to her anymore. i wont hear her voice anymore. i wont hear her nagging at me to eat anymore when i go and visit her... i will never get to feel her wrinkly but soft hands touching and holding mine whenever she sits beside me... i wont get to eat her cooked food anymore. i wont get to hear her telling me its okay to get some shit result and its enough if i put in enough effort.
i know she's very old already but i just didnt expect her to go so suddenly...
i really regret not visiting her more often when i was free.
but now its too late for regrets.
nothing can bring her back...
i miss my grandma so much but there's nothing i can do except for staring at her photo at the funeral and missing her.
but i guess life's cruel like that.
everyone's got to go sometime...
i just didnt expect it to be so painful.
i just regret not accompanying her more when she was alive and kicking.
and it pains me so much to see my grandfather crying and wanting my ahma. he has dementia you see. so he cant really remember she has passed on although he saw her lying peacefully yesterday. he keeps asking where is ahma.... and sometimes he'll think she went out to buy stuff and ask when is she coming back. or like just now, he said she was still at the hospital and asked us to call the hosp and bring her back. its really painful looking at him like that... sometimes knowing and sometimes not knowing. he has depended on my ahma for so long after he has retired, after he fell sick and we all know that this must be a huge blow to him. the tears threaten to fall whenever i see him wanting my ahma... i really hope he will get better becos he's all we've got now and i'm going to treasure him much more than i did before.
anyway enough of sad things. this few days at the funeral is boring... there's nothing much to do other than talking to pple i never see in my life before and serving peanuts and drinks... but its a vv rare chance for all of us to just get together and talk and do stuff. and i think my ahma will be happy seeing all of her big family reunited.
okay after the cremation on thurs, i will be flying off on friday to hk/china so i guess i wont really have the chance to blog...
not that there's a lot going on in my life to blog too.
thanks to all those who told me to cheer up and comforted me. i really appreciate it (:
i'm okay now, don't worry.
tired
happy
sick